da x tau nk wat camner...
Thursday, July 14
lately our relationship just started to crumble..everything went wrong..every little things..whether it is my fault or his...i dunno anymore..maybe both of us should be blame on this..maybe..dunno..huhuh...i just can't think straight..i tend to be emotional..very emotional..huhu...geez...i really hate this..i hate myself acting this way...not good for the heart..uuhuh..i still love him tho..
what i think of him..is that he has other commitment..his best fren..sapik..sapik's family..sapik's sister nana...his frens from school..he wants to satisfy everybody..except for me...he always says that what he'd done..that's is all he can do..i dunno...that's the extend of his effort..some says...when you love someone you will do anything to be with the one you love..sometimes i think the excuses he gave me..huhu..lame excuses..maybe for me..i dunno...
then he has times..all the times in the world to be with his best fren...yup..ahh..of course best fren, i know..best fren is you know..best fren..which u can't replace with someone else...on the other hand..gf..awek..etc..you can replace them anytime..kot..maybe not really that important for him..i think...when we talk about this problems...he blame me..and i blame him...and that's it..then we're good for sometime..then when the same things happened..and we started blaming each other again...maybe that's what we been doing all along...for more than a year...
and again...this have drag on for a week...no solution..nothing..sometimes mmg kecik ati ngan dier..sgt2...his time for me is limited..he always said.."kalau sy ade masa sy dtg ar.." huhu..sometimes a wonder when he will someday be sure when he can be with me..when i asked to go somewhere the answer always.."tgk ar dlu","xjanji wak" ntah...dier slalu kate dier bz..tp kengkadang tuh..bile tanye..x pulak wat keja..huhu...
but in some sense..may it's also my fault..i can't help to not have him by myside...for me...i think..i already give him all the time he want..i just want him to be with me when i needed him..which is not really easy task to persuade him..i didn't keep count but mostly erm..dtg ke x..ntah...but for him..he already done his best but i'm the one whose not satisfied..
maybe environment also makes me this way..jaja ngan peah..2-2 pon their bf always there..sometimes after work..we'll go watching movie maybe..asip mesti dtg punye...so jaja,sepul n peah,asip...and me...alone..i don't really care if there's another person to entertain me..ok ar kire...it makes me feel lonely..really2 lonely..even tho pegi ngan diorang...but i'm alone..in a way..huhuh..lately i'd grown to be more sensitive..huhu..not a good trait to develop tho...huhu..
arituh...anas mara..he said stop comparing him..which i dunno when..he said i did it without realizing that i'm doing it..huhu..ntah..but i think yesterday he also did the same thing..he said..he's comparing me to his fren's gf..dier cakap.."kwn sy pon ade gak yg ade awek..tp jumpe pon seminggu sekali jek.." yes..of course..tp awk sure ke..mana awk tau..takkan dier nk bgtau kot bile dier jumpe awek dier...huhuh...
erm..sumtimes aku merajuk2 nih..nk gak dier dtg pujuk2...make me smile..ade time tuh..dier dtg..tp he didn't even bother to make me smile or what..dtg...then budget aku layan dier bebaik..padahal tgh sakit ati nih..lg nk suruh aku layan dier plak...huhuh..patut dier ar yg layan aku bebaik..amik ati balik...then..balik..sure..great..balik arr..uhhh..sedih tol...org nk dier pujuk..bukannyer wat lg sakit ati..suke wat org nangis..huhu..pastuh..dier lagi nk marah2 org..suke marah aku..huhu..kalu aku marah dier..pastuh mesti ar dier nk marah aku balik...kengkadang dier yg salah..pon nk marah aku gak...sbb aku marah dier...uhhh....pening paler.....
that arr...kitorang nih cam on the verge nk clash jek ke ape...aku pon x tau..dier cam ade jek posibility kot nk mintak clash...ntah...aku pon x tau...i dunno anymore..susah tol nk paham dier...it takes a lifetime to know a person...aku ngan dier baru jek setahun lebih...maybe dier da x syg aku da kot..ntah..huhu...tp last time aku tanye..dier cakap syg..huhu...
dier nih..masa dlu2..cam ade gak he called me..tp skang nih...cam x jek...the last time he called me because i said i was with a very handsome guy...of course tipu jek...what i meant was takuya..i just bought his latest drama vcd..engine..erm..is that jelousy...ke? huhuh..dier cakap aku compare dier ngan org len...tp..i can't help it...other's i think they call everyday..cam asip..that's the closest example..tanye kaba ke ape ke...ntah..at least..huhuh...do he really care about me? sometimes what he did..ok..great..but that only sometimes...but most of the time..huhuh...i always cling to that few great...sweet things he did for me..and he always like...cakap.."bg awk ape yg sy wat mmg x penah cukup.."..da mmg x cukup...xkan nk cakap cukup...tu da menipu diri sendri...ntah..ntah...ntah...that's the only word that seems to come out from my mouth..ntah...everytime...ntah...huhuh....ntahh...
what actually shud i do in a situation like this...?? erm...sakit paler aku pk pasal benda nih...and it's starting to affect my life..sumtimes i can hardly functioning...nk pk pon x tau nk pk ape...that one time i almost feel like i'm going crazy...huhuh...i have to find the solution for this...or i really might end up crazy...huhuh..xmo...
...loving you...
[12:04 PM]
___** anas(,") * (",)beba**___
uhhhh...geram!!!gerammnyerr!!
Monday, July 4
huhuhu..xmo citer...tp geram sgt nih...arrrgghhh...tensen...tensenn...sakit ati...sakit paler...sakit ar sume pon...ishhh...xtau nk cakap per...tp geram sesangat...geram..geram..geram..geram....huhuhu...tensen2...eeeeee....cam nk cekik org jek skang nih...sape nk kasi pinjamkan leher dier jap...aku nk cekik...kejap jek...x lama...gerenti x mati nyer...huhuhu....eeeee.....aaaaahhhhh........ggggggrrrr......huhuhuu...hhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii...ishh...xtau da nk wat per nih...sakit tol ishh...da xmo da kawan...xmo..xmo..xmo...benci..benci..benci...beni sgt..sgt...sgt..sgttttttt.......huuuuu...nk jerit skang bole x..tp kat opis nih...aiyoo....isshhh....da berat jek rase paler nihh...uhh..ape nk wat....eeee.......huhuhu...tensen2..
ahh..bole gile kalu camnih..da arr...huhuh..carik wat benda lain...sakit ati tol...ja...
...loving you...
[11:42 AM]
___** anas(,") * (",)beba**___
